


Not In

by posingasme



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Allies Matter, Big Brother Dean, Coming Out, Gen, M/M, Season/Series 12, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-23 21:24:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10727547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/posingasme/pseuds/posingasme
Summary: Coming out after all these years isn't easy, but it sure beats Dean thinking Sam's literally consorting with demons again.





	Not In

Sam had a habit of sneaking around. Dean didn't like to think about the demon blood and Ruby, or the creeping off with the Campbells, or conspiring about the Book of the Damned. After all, Dean was no angel himself. Especially when it came to the angels. He had tried to sneak away to say yes to Michael. And Gadreel...Anyway, Dean didn't like to think about those times. There were too many to count, betrayals all around. They had each promised a hundred times they wouldn't deceive one another again.

But he had been staking out the exits, and Sam was definitely up to something again. Things had been so good between them. Why was he doing this to them?

He felt like every sitcom father, sitting in the dark waiting for his teenager to sneak back into the house. He clicked on the light just as Sam crept by him, and watched his brother startle so badly, Dean nearly got shot.

“Disarm, little brother,” Dean sighed. “Just me.”

“Jesus, Dean! What the hell? I could've killed you!”

Dean smiled wearily. “You're better than that. You don't fire before you've looked. Your reflexes are good. But you're smarter than that.”

Sam shoved his gun back into his jeans at his back. “What's wrong with you? Why aren't you asleep or watching anime porn or something?”

“Where you been, Sammy?”

An eyebrow raised in indignation. “Dude, I'm three decades old. I don't need permission to go out some night.”

Dean shrugged. He hadn't moved from his chair. He was tired. Three decades. That didn't include Hell years. “Where you been, Sammy?” he asked again.

Sam put a hand through his hair. “Out.”

“Out.”

“Yeah. Not in.”

Dean's eyes were relentless.

Sam glared at him, and finally he began pinkening at the cheekbones. “I went for a hookup, okay? Why do you care? And why am I explaining myself to you?”

“I care because you don't want to talk about it. And when one of us don't talk about something, that usually means guilt. Which usually means doing something wrong and hiding about it. So? Where you been, Sammy?”

The younger man gave him a piercing stare, then turned toward the bedrooms. “I'm going to bed. Wake me when you're not an asshole.”

But Dean's reflexes were at least as good as Sam's, and he was pushing his brother backward into a wall before Sam even realized he had moved.

“Hey!” Sam grabbed his wrists to break the hold, but Dean leaned his weight into it.

“Sam, what are you getting into? Is it Mom? The skeevy Brits? What? I want to know! Dammit, I can't do this again! We're partners, Sam! I can't lie awake every night wondering if you're out there-”

“I'm seeing the witch!”

Dean's voice caught mid-word, and he stared. A moment later, he stepped back to let Sam up. “I...Wait. What?”

Sam was breathing shallowly, furious and obviously embarrassed. “I'm going out at night and hooking up with...with Max.”

“Max...Max the witch dude Max?”

“I knew you'd give me a hard time. Just-just leave me alone about it.”

But as Sam tried again to shove away, Dean blocked his retreat. “Whoa. Wait. Max Banes? The witch hunter with the twin, Asa’s kid?”

Sam stared down at the floor miserably. “Just leave me alone.”

Realization was slow but his eyes finally widened with it, and he let go of his brother's arms. “Shit. You're gay.”

There was silence.

Maybe it was the hunter in him that felt the trembling from Sam without even touching. Maybe it was the big brother in him. He took a deep breath. “Okay.”

Hazel green eyes lifted to search his face. “Okay, what?”

“Okay, so why didn't you say something?”

Sam threw his hands up. “Just say it? Hey, dude, I'm bi, and I caught us a case? Dean, here's the lore on redcaps, and also I sometimes hook up with guys? Let me help with packing those salt shells, and I'll tell you about the guy I slept with the night before I met Amelia?”

“Why not? We've been running together for a decade and change, man! Don't tell me you couldn't say something. Locked in a car with me for hours every week, but nothing?” Dean flinched suddenly. “Wait. What...what'd you think I'd say? What did you think I'd think?”

“Forget it. Just get off me.”

“I'm not on you.” It was a quiet, hurt voice that Dean didn't recognize coming from his own mouth. “And I wouldn't get on you about that, Sammy. I'm sorry you apparently think I'm a gigantic prick. But I never would have given you a hard time about that. Not anymore than I give you about girls. I know I tease sometimes. But in all these years, you never gave me a hint. And that means you think I can't handle it. And that sucks. It's unfair, and it sucks.”

Sam was frowning at him. “I didn't…”

“Glad you're not off making bad decisions. Sorry you think I'm a dick. Good night.”

This time, it was Sam grabbing Dean's arm. “Wait! Dean, wait.”

“For what?”

“For…” Sam took a deep breath and plunged forward. “For me to...to tell you about Max.”

Dean turned back to him slowly. A soft half-smile tugged at his lips. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Maybe. Is that-Would you want to hear? I mean, I know you're not always comfortable with...I've seen you get hit on by guys, or mistaken for my boyfriend, or-or whatever. I know it bothers you.”

The older man took a moment to think of his answer before giving it. It was important to him to get this right, to express himself in the right way, which would let Sam know this was okay. “It isn't that it bothers me. It's that I don't know how to act. Okay? It always catches me off-guard. I don't mean to make it seem like it bothers me. It doesn't. I get uncomfortable because...because I never learned how to-you know. How to talk about it. A guy hits on me, I try to be cool about it, like, I'm not interested but thanks anyway, but usually I just come across like an idiot. I want to say something to let them know I'm straight but I'm not-”

“A gigantic prick?” Sam supplied. A tiny smile was blooming in his eyes now.

“Yeah.” Dean sighed. “It's my issue, though. Not theirs. They don't make me feel that way. I do. Cassie Robinson once told me that a white friend admitted when they were in high school that she always wanted to say something to let her know she wasn't a jerk, but there wasn't any way to do it without being a jerk.”

And now Sam was smirking at him. “I just want you to know I'm totally cool with you being black. Because I'm not racist.”

Dean snorted. “Yeah. Like that. Sam, I'm totally cool with you being gay. Or-or bi-whatever. Because I'm not a freaking jackass.”

“But you are.”

“But I am,” he agreed with a laugh. “But not because you're gay. Or whatever.”

“That's called an ally, man,” Sam said quietly. “You don't have to completely get it, or be completely comfortable with it. You support me, and you're willing to learn more. That's the part that matters.”

Relief poured through him. Dean hadn't realized that he was holding every muscle tense until he relaxed. “So it's cool if I act like an idiot so long as I'm trying not to?”

“Let's be honest. There's no chance of you not acting like an idiot.”

Dean acknowledged that with a shrug and a nod. They stood in awkward silence for a moment, then Dean frowned suddenly. “But a witch? Sam!”

His brother threw his hands in the air. “I'm going to bed, jerk!”

The door slammed behind him, and Dean smiled. “Bitch,” he whispered fondly, and turned to make his way to his own room, ready to sleep well for the first time in a long time. He and Sam were good. No matter what, he and Sam were good.

**Author's Note:**

> I thought I'd throw a nod at the MaxSam shippers. Ship all the ships. May your armada always be full and strong-and healthy and consensual with open, respectful communication...
> 
> But seriously, allies are important. Don't dismiss them because they may not fully get it, or because they are sometimes uncomfortable. That's okay. The point is to be supportive, and willing to be educated. Be an ally. Accept your allies with hugs. If they're cool with that. 
> 
> ~Posing


End file.
